


this isn't you

by furryphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Jock!Dan, M/M, Slow Burn, Theatre, football as in. soccer, football player dan, kin d of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-02-16 05:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13047120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/furryphil/pseuds/furryphil
Summary: phil just wants to know who dan really is. he isn't like the rest of the football team, who bully people and harass girls. he's hiding something from everyone, something that maybe isn't as bad as he thinks it is.but dan doesn't know how to stand up for himself and the memory of how painfully lonely he was keeps him on the team.a series of unfortunate events (that slowly turn into fortunate ones) may change that, however.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title is actually from the Stranger Things soundtrack 
> 
> this is a christmas gift to dreamdilddy on tumblr! i hope you enjoy it very much c: you ask for slow burn, you shall receive slow burn
> 
> the idea came to me in a dream. obviously, this will be much more elaborate (and will make sense). 
> 
> updates: every sunday or wednesday

Dan should have been more careful when spying on the theatre club. 

It wasn’t that he was doing it with malicious intentions, he simply couldn’t afford to be caught. He had many reasons to hide. For starters, he was supposed to be at football practice. It was unbearably cold outside, however, and the coach insisted on them still practicing two hours three days a week no matter the temperature. Dan wasn’t in the mood in the mood for freezing to death.

Secondly, if the football team knew where he had gone, the humiliation and bullying he would have to endure would be unbearable. He still remembered the bruising he received when he had mentioned going to the school play at the beginning of the season.

The team was, essentially, a bunch of bigoted boys who thought they were cooler than everyone else.

Which brings up the third point. It would seem suspicious that he was only there to watch the rehearsals. The football team was notorious for playing pranks on the theatre club (when Dan asked why, they had explained that it was their punishment for being “a club of fags”). 

The thing is, he loved theatre and wished he could be apart of it. But pressure from his parents to join something sporty and the overwhelming loneliness lead Dan to joining the football team instead. Dan was mediocre at the sport and figured he wouldn’t be picked at tryouts. Apparently he had underestimated himself, as he’d been one of the first people chosen to be on the team.

He had been distracted by the singing of the lead actor of the play when everything went to hell. He was too focused on the melodramatic song to realize that someone was approaching his hiding area. It was only when that person began moving the boxes that Dan began to panic. There wasn’t any other place he could escape to; he hadn’t thought out his hiding place very well. It was either he be discovered by whoever was moving the boxes or run out from behind and cause a scene.

Dan was trapped.

He squeezed his eyes shut, accepting fate. Hopefully it’d be somebody who didn’t hate the football team, though his brain quickly reasoned that there was not one person in the theatre club who didn’t hate the football team’s guts. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” a voice hissed, making Dan flinch. “Don’t you have football practice?”

Dan opened his eyes, keeping them on the floor. “I-I was leaving right now, sorry-”

“Trying to play another prank on us?”

Dan finally looked up and was met with the face of Phil Lester. He didn’t know much about Phil, other than some kids on the team liked to beat him up every now and then.

“No, I swear, I wasn’t-”

Phil scoffed and grabbed Dan’s arm. “Save it, Howell. We all know the football team wants to humiliate us again, don’t try to play innocent.”

Dan felt curls of panic forming in his stomach. They increased as Phil dragged him out of his hiding space, trying to bring him into the stage.

“Please, no, I promise I was only watching,” Dan begged, heartbeat increasing as he fought against Phil’s grip.

“You’re such a terrible liar.” He overpowered Dan’s panicking struggles and brought him onstage, disrupting the scene that had been going on. 

Dan stared at the ground, trying to will away the red shame on his cheeks. He listened in horror as people reacted to his presence.

“Phil? What’s going on?”

“Why is he here?”

“Is that Dan Howell?”

Dan could hardly breath. There were so many eyes on him, all of them tearing him apart and judging him based on his association with the football team. He felt sick and dizzy from the amount of anxiety Dan had rushing through him.

“I found him hiding behind some prop boxes. Looks like the football team is trying to prank us again,” Phil loudly announced, his voice echoing through the auditorium.

Dan didn’t need to look up to know that everyone was scowling at him. He needed to play it cool, as it was expected of him. Be mean and arrogant like the rest of the team. Have no respect, just like the captain told him.

“The only people you respect is the football team,” the captain had jeered, “and girls with big boobs.”

The team had erupted into laughter at that, Dan nervously joining in.

He kept his eyes trained to the ground, waiting for someone to act.

“Well, if they were going to prank us, they should have sent a better person.” Dan knew that voice; it was Maria, the director of the play. Her slight accent and loud voice made her very recognizable even without looking up. 

“Everybody knows Dan is the clumsiest person on the team. I’m surprised they even keep him with how much he messes up.”

Dan clenched his hands together, fighting off the urge to recoil or run off. He needed to be strong. “There was no prank.”

Maria snorted. “Oh really? Then tell me, why were you hiding back there?”

Dan couldn’t tell her the truth, that he longed to be apart of the play, that he knew every line of his favorite character. Word would spread like wildfire and Dan would have to face the football team.

“That’s what I thought.”

Dan listened to her heavy footsteps as they approached him. He stiffened up and finally dragged his eyes off the ground, facing Maria head on.

Maria stopped in front of him, her eyes icy daggers that looked over him and made him feel insecure. Dan didn’t know alot about Maria, but he did know that she was very intimidating and not somebody to cross. 

Maria smirked. “I have an idea.” The way she said it let Dan know that he was not going to like this idea. “Why don’t you pay us back for all the times your team has pranked us?”

Murmurs of agreement rose around him. Dan’s heart pounded nervously and his palms were becoming sweaty, though he tried to ignore it.

“And what makes you think I’ll do that?”

Maria’s smirk didn’t even twitch. Dan had to admire her confidence and ability to face Dan head on. “Because if you don’t, we’ll make sure that the football team hears about you being here, listening intently to the play, reciting every word to yourself, and pretending that you were the star of the show, that you were doing this instead of football practice.”

She nailed the point right on. He knew that there was no point in telling the truth; Maria wouldn’t believe him and it’d only humiliate him more.

Dan crossed his arms both trying to look intimidating and to hide the shakiness of his hands. “What do you want from me then?” he snapped.

Maria grinned, knowing she had won. “That’s up to the rest of the crew. Everyone here wants some sort of revenge; the football team made sure to make everyone’s job much more difficult You’ll do whatever is asked by whoever. If you complain or cause any trouble, there will be consequences.”

The crew cheered in approval. The cheers filled Dan with dread, his stomach knotting up. Someone even called dibs on him.

Maria smiled at everyone, bathing in the approval of her crewmates. “You come and do what they want for two times a week and we’ll all pretend that we never saw you here. But if you dare make any slip up, we can’t promise that our mouths will remain shut. It’s all up to you what you choose to do. Got it?”

Dan could only nod slowly, fearing that any words would reveal how terrified he really was.

“Good.” Maria patted his shoulder, then pushed him over to the crowd of crew members. They all glared at him, each one holding some sort of grudge. “Now, what shall be our first job for our friend Dan?”

Dan watched in horror as people began shouting out, trying to claim him to work on their part of the play. He let his eyes fall back to the ground, his shoulders slumping with it, and his tough facade melted away. Maria went through each request loudly, but her voice sounded like white noise compared to the anxiety that was coursing through Dan’s veins.

“I’ve called dibs already!” someone yelled, pushing through the crowd.

“Eloise,” Maria greeted.

“The football pulled a prank on the makeup crew last week. Thought it would be funny to cover all our makeup in powder. We can hardly get to it without sneezing or having some kind of allergic reaction.”

Maria nodded sympathetically. Then, she turned to Dan. “Looks like you got yourself a job, Danny boy.” She shoved him forward towards Eloise. “Go on, Eloise will show you where it’s at.”

Dan sighed, trudging slowly after Eloise. She began yapping away about how awful the football team was, but Dan didn’t say anything. She was right about everything and he didn’t want to try to argue that he wasn’t like the rest of them.

The whole cleaning process left him with a raw throat and watery eyes. The entire time, the makeup crew had mocked him and laughed at him, making him feel worse. By the end of the practice, Dan wanted nothing more than to curl up in his bed and cry.

He headed out without a coat (one of the theatre members had stolen it) and made the long journey home, having missed the bus. He shivered as he walked, his eyes watery and making it hard to see. Home seemed so far away and he couldn’t get there fast enough.

When he did get home, he collapsed on the couch inside, curling up with some blankets to stop the shivering. He needed water to soothe his throat and clothes that weren’t his scratchy uniform. He waited until his shivering was relatively under control before finally getting up.

After changing into clothes, he went to the kitchen and got himself a glass of water. As he gulped down the water, trying to clear his throat, Dan couldn’t help but feel bitterness towards the theatre club. They’d essentially turned him into a puppet, obeying them out of fear of being blackmailed.

Phil could have easily left him alone or simply thrown him out, but instead he had to embarrass him in front of the whole club and ruin any opportunities Dan had at redeeming himself and joining the club. He cursed his asshole teammates for tormenting the theatre club and for inadvertently getting him in the situation he was in. 

Dan knew it was partially his fault too; no one was supposed to be in the theatre during rehearsals and he had been skipping football practice. He’d been in the wrong place at the wrong time and was paying for it now.

Dan sighed, putting the now empty water glass down. He could kiss his dream of being the lead role in a play goodbye.

-

Dan’s stomach growled once again. Dan paused from putting away a costume, pressing a hand against his stomach. One of the theatre students had taken to stealing Dan’s snacks that he packed for after school. Usually, it was an annoyance at most, but Dan hadn’t had any money for lunch. The most he had eaten was two pieces of toast for breakfast.

“Get back to work, Howell,” the costume manager, Ty, yelled. Dan turned to see him glaring at Dan, watching his every move and waiting to lash out.

Dan hated the costume manager and wasn’t surprised to hear that everyone else working costumes hated him too. Ty was cold and unlikeable and very disorganized. He was supposed to have organized the pile Dan was currently going through, but Ty had instead waited until he had Dan under his control to do it. He’d been watching Dan like a hawk the entire time, not letting him take a moment’s break.

Dan was starting to feel nauseous and dizzy from both the hunger and from being on his feet for too long. He knew he was going to pass out soon if he didn’t take a break or get some food in his system.

That’s why the moment Ty looked away, Dan took off running towards the dressing rooms. Most people were near the stage wings, focusing on perfecting the cues, allowing him to slip through the door that lead to the dressing rooms without any trouble. He was distantly aware of yelling coming from behind him, but he didn’t care; he’d rather not pass out and embarrass himself even further. He could risk getting in trouble with Maria. She seemed too focused on the play anyway to notice any commotion backstage.

He found himself heading towards the lounge area where a fridge was at. He remembered overhearing people talking about putting their food in there to save for breaks during rehearsal. Dan didn’t hesitate to make a beeline for it once he entered the lounge, stomach demanding food. 

Dan figured a little bit of food wouldn’t hurt. Nobody would miss it.

Inside the fridge, people’s food sat, unknowingly being scanned over by a hungry teenage boy. His eyes landed on a rather large sandwich and his hands grabbed it without giving Dan time to think.

Dan sat down at the table set up in the middle of the lounge, unwrapping the sandwich. He felt slightly bad for whoever’s sandwich he was about to eat, but the growling in his stomach was enough to overpower any guilt he had.

He had taken a few bites of the sandwich when Phil burst through the door, scanning the room with wild eyes. They froze when they say Dan and the sandwich.

Dan felt his cheeks start to burn, the tell tale sign that he was blushing. He ignored them and instead took another bite of the sandwich, albeit much slower than he had been earlier.

“That’s my sandwich,” Phil said, glaring at Dan.

Guilt pooled in Dan’s stomach. Already he looked bad in Phil’s perspective, this merely made him look much worse. He continued eating the sandwich, however. He was hungry. “Not anymore, I guess.”

Phil stormed over, barely letting Dan have another bite before snatching it away. Dan looked towards the tabletop, not wanting to make eye contact in fear that he’d feel even more guilty. He felt awful and not tough or cool at all. Wasn’t he supposed to feel that way? His teammates always did after they stole someone’s lunch.

All he felt was guilt.

“What’s your problem? All you ever do is act like you’re some entitled brat who can humiliate others that you deem lower than yourself and take whatever or whoever you want.”

Dan didn’t say anything. The part of the sandwich that he did manage to eat was now aching in his stomach.

“I have no respect for someone like you. Nobody does.”

Dan felt his eyes water, the hunger making him more sensitive than he usually was. No, this couldn’t happen. Not here, not now. He wasn’t going to let Phil see him cry over something as silly as getting yelled at. Dan quickly rubbed at his eyes, hoping to hide the tears that had began to form in them.

“I didn’t have lunch,” Dan finally snapped, sounding much more pathetic than he had intended to. “And one of your theatre friends keeps stealing the food I do save.” 

It was Phil’s turn to be silent.

Dan looked up at Phil and before he could stop himself, words were tumbling out of his mouth that were never meant to be said.”I didn’t ask for all this, you know. I never wanted to join the football team and become somebody who treats everyone else like shit. I know that I’m some God-awful person that nobody can stand, okay? And I’m sorry for it, I never wanted to be that kind of person.” Dan sighed and turned away, feeling tears in his eyes again. “I’m sorry. You’re right; it’s your sandwich, and I have no right stealing it.”

Phil stared at Dan, shocked from his outburst. The way he looked now, unable to make eye contact and cheeks red from shame, was foreign to what Phil expected of him. He was expecting a fight, physical or verbal, and for Dan to insult him back. He didn’t expect Dan to agree with him and apologize.

Before he could think properly, Phil slid the sandwich back over to Dan. “H-here, you can have this.”

Dan stared at him, confused. He wanted it badly, but only a moment earlier Phil had been yelling at him for taking it. Now he wanted Dan to have it? “Are you sure?”

Phil nodded. “You’re obviously hungry; I can hear your stomach growling from over here. I don’t need the sandwich anyway, I had a pretty big lunch.”

Dan hesitated, then snatched up the sandwich and began to devour it. Phil stayed silent as Dan ate, mulling over Dan’s words. Dan had basically told him he didn’t want to be on the football team and that he knew they treated everyone like shit.

The more he thought about it, the more Phil realized that Dan didn’t exactly fit in with the rest of the players. Dan always went along with anything the theatre club had him do without complaining or putting up a fight. He’d been respectful of everyone, even when Maria was gone. And when Phil had originally found him hiding behind the boxes, he had almost looked scared.

Dan was more aloof than rude, unlike the other football players. It didn’t make any sense; why was Dan on the football team if he knew they were awful?

“Why’d you apologize?”

Dan looked up briefly from eating his sandwich before looking away. “Like I said, it wasn’t right of me to steal your sandwich, even if I was starving. It’s common sense.”

This only made Phil more intrigued about the mystery that Dan was slowly becoming. “Why are you on the football team?” Phil blurted out.

Dan shrugged. “I like football.” He’d dealt with this question long enough to know how to respond.

Phil shook his head in disbelief. “There’s plenty of people here who love football but refuse to join because of the team. And you obviously don’t like the football team; so why are you on it?”

Dan shifted uncomfortably. He’d finished the sandwich, leaving him no excuse to stay silent. He’d already told Phil too much; he barely knew Phil. For all he knew, Phil could be secretly plotting another way to embarrass him in front of the theatre club. Dan stood up, preparing to leave.

“Dan-”

“It’s none of your business,” Dan said, “I like football so I joined the team. There’s nothing more to it than that.”

Phil watched wordlessly as Dan slipped out, heading back to do who-knows-what. Phil frowned after him.

Dan didn’t join the football team because he liked football, that much was obvious to Phil. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Maybe some things were better left alone.

-

Dan didn’t see Phil for a long time after that, thankfully. He didn’t want to risk more interrogation or spilling more of his secrets. He didn’t need to deal with a too curious boy pestering him about a decision he’d made long ago.

Phil had already told the whole theatre club he had been spying on them for a “prank”. What would stop him from telling everyone about Dan’s true distaste for the football team?

Dan felt like he was walking on eggshells around the theatre club. He constantly panicked whenever he heard his name being whispered or saw someone looking his way for too long. He tried to keep himself distracted with chores, but the theatre club was being oddly nice and giving him only easy tasks that took ten minutes at most.

Dan had a feeling it was because the football team had been leaving them alone. Dan was kind of glad for it; the team had been focusing their efforts more on preparing for a tournament than beating up fellow classmates. Unfortunately, that didn’t last for long.

It was lunch break and the team had agreed to have some fun (Dan having said nothing, knowing what this “fun” would be). Dan trailed along behind them, occasionally adding in the appropriate statement or laugh.

It made him feel guilty, allowing these people to get beat up while he stood back and pretended to be the bully, all because he didn’t want to be the on being bullied. He refused to look at the person that was chosen to be the victim, fearing that the guilt would overwhelm him.

He followed them miserably as they moved down the halls, looking for the next victim. Dan wasn’t paying attention to what was happening, instead mentally battling his consciousness like he always did when this happened.

What he wasn’t expecting, however, was for the team to go after Phil.

Dan watched helplessly, nausea pooling in his stomach, as the team captain, Luke, shoved Phil up against the locker. Dan knew what was going to happen next. 

Luke threw a punch while Dan watched cowardly. He couldn’t find any malice or ill feelings towards Phil that he had earlier that would make the experience easier on Dan. It only made him feel more guilty; why couldn’t he stand up for Phil?

His teammates were laughing, Luke kicking Phil’s side as he laid curled up on the floor. Dan felt dizzy as Luke hit Phil’s face, Phil wincing with pain and protecting his face with his hands. Dan swore years passed before they were finally done with Phil.

Dan was grateful when the team began to leave, forgetting about Dan’s existence in favor of finding a suitable target to harass. Dan didn’t bother following after them; if he saw one more person being bullied, he knew he’d throw up out of guilt.

Phil’s lip was bleeding and he was clutching his stomach, trying to sit up.

“A-are you okay?” Dan whispered, frozen still in his spot.

Phil glared at him and tried to get up, but his limbs were still shaking from the whole ordeal. Dan finally moved, coming over to help Phil stand up. At first, Phil tried to fight him, but gave in and let Dan pull him up. Dan winced as he heard Phil groan in pain, his body sensitive to any contact.

“I’m sorry,” Dan whispered, staring at the ground.

Phil sighed. “It’s fine, it happens all the time.”

That only proved to make Dan feel worse. “You shouldn’t have to,” he muttered.

Phil looked at Dan in surprise. The silence stretched on, until Phil finally spoke again.

“You really don’t belong with them.”

Dan bit his lip, fearing what would come next. He couldn’t risk it.

Phil didn’t expect an answer for Dan. “Thanks for uh-helping me I guess.”

“I didn’t really do anything, I’m sorry.”

Phil smiled softly at Dan. “It’s alright, being here is enough.”

Dan returned the smile, albeit smaller. “I-uh have to go. But, thank you.”

Phil nodded, letting Dan dash off to catch up with the team of assholes. Phil could feel the bruise forming on his belly and knew he needed to stop the bleeding soon, however he couldn’t help but stare after Dan.

Dan was a boy full of secrets, that was for sure.


	2. Chapter 2

For the most part, Dan managed to keep his time with the theatre club a secret from the football team. He managed to split time practicing while spending the required afternoons working for the theatre club. The only problem was that he had no time to do homework or study after school and Dan could feel his grades slipping steadily. But he couldn’t risk his reputation; there was too much at stake.

Of course, one can’t expect to keep so many secrets without it all crashing down eventually.

It began with the day he skipped working with the theatre club. He’d been nursing a headache all day and by the time school let out and club work began, Dan was dizzy with pain and was desperate to sleep it away. 

He couldn’t possibly make it through a play practice and he doubted Maria would let him off so easily. She’d been nothing but malicious towards him, using every opportunity to promote his suffering. She was as bad as the football team, maybe even worse. So instead, he stumbled home through the frigid air and fell asleep on the couch.

It turned out to be a big mistake. He didn’t think Maria would be too severe in her punishment or even go back on her word, but he was wrong.

He returned the next day to school, homework done for once and feeling refreshed from the afternoon nap and full night sleep he had. It was the best he’d felt in a long time. 

The moment he sat down with the football team in homeroom, Maria yelled his name loud enough for everyone to hear her.

“It was real nice seeing you at the theatre yesterday!” she continued, a smirk resting easily on her face, “I hope you can come visit again.”

Anxiety bubbled in Dan’s stomach as he stared at her in horror. He slowly turned back around to face the team. They were all staring at him as if he’d grown a second head.

“What the hell is she talking about?” one of the members spoke up.

“U-uh I don’t know.” Dan cursed his shaky voice. He needed to seem confident in his answer, needed them to believe him. “Why would I visit the theatre.

Luke narrowed his eyes at him from across the table. “Maybe because you’re secretly a fairy who wants to join the fag club.”

Dan hid his wince at the slurs. “No way, man. I’m not some gross f-fag.” He couldn’t help but stammer over the slur. It wasn’t like him to use such an awful word, especially considering his own sexuality. 

“Then why’d she bring you up?”

Dan shrugged and leaned back against his chair, hiding his shaky palms. He could feel his heart racing in his chest. “Probably jealous of me,” he said cooly, “able to get all the ladies while her poor lesbian ass is still whoring over her best friend.” Dan felt nauseous from the guilt that settled in his stomach. He wanted to throw up simply from the words coming out of his mouth.

Some of the guys muttered in agreement; the drag at lesbians won most of them over. Luke didn’t look convinced, though he stayed quiet about it.

Dan played along with the rest of the team, ignoring the odd looks he kept receiving from Luke. The rest of homeroom went smoothly, though Dan felt paranoid that everyone was watching him for a slip up.

By the end of homeroom, he thought he was in the clear. It didn’t take much to convince the football team of his words; a little bigotry and slurs and they’d believe anything that came out of his mouth. At least, that how it was with most of the team. 

It was Luke and one or two other guys Dan always had to be extra careful around. Yet they hadn’t said anything else, so he took it that they bought it.

He was walking to his class when Luke suddenly grabbed his arm and yanked him to the ground.

“You’re a bad liar, you know that?”

Dan groaned, shakily getting back on his feet. “I’m not lying-” He was cut off by Luke grabbing his shirt and shoving him against the wall. Around him, people turned their gazes. Nobody messed with the football team when they were teaching a lesson.

“Maria wasn’t the only one talking about it, faggot. Everyone has been whispering about how you paid a lovely visit to the theatre club yesterday.

Dan struggled against Luke’s grip. It was useless; Luke was naturally more buff with abs while Dan had gangly limbs and a soft stomach. “I wasn’t- I didn’t-”

“Save it, Howell,” Luke growled. “We can’t have anybody thinking we’re a group of fags like the theatre club.” He slowly released Dan and took a step back. The team stood quietly behind him, waiting for Luke’s directions. “I believe we need to teach Dan a lesson about what we do to fags.”

Dan’s eyes widened, knowing what was coming next. When the first hit landed, Dan let his eyes fall close as his world was flung into pain. He was shoved to the ground by someone and he heard some laughter resounding around him.

He felt his teammates hit him repeatedly and sometimes even kick him, taking out their frustrations on him. There was loud cheering going on, encouraging each other to beat Dan up. Dan cursed Maria, grunting as one of the players kicked an already sore spot. His body was sure to be littered with bruises after this that would make it painful to simply move or even sleep.

Dan could feel his eyes watering up and he opened them in shock, staring straight ahead and trying not to let any tears fall. His fringe fell over them and helped hide them. If they saw him crying, the punishment would only get worse. Luke would never let him live it down if he cried.

It was only when the bell rang that the team dispersed, Luke giving him one last kick to the stomach before running off. Dan coughed, pain echoing all across his body. He could feel himself shaking, adrenaline rushing through his body and numbing some of the pain. The ceiling spun dangerously above him for a few seconds, then finally settled. He pulled himself up off the floor, nearly slipping back down a few times, pausing to steady himself against the wall.

He made his way to the bathroom, a few tears managing to escape out. They felt like fire against his cheeks. He could feel a sob catching in his throat and he walked faster, praying to a God he didn’t believe in that the bathroom would be empty. He was breathing heavily, each intake making him more aware of his injuries.

Dan rushed into the bathroom, quickly checking the stalls for any feet. Thankfully, it was empty. His body took this as a sign to let out a choked sob, then another, until finally his walls crashed down and he crumbled to the floor.

He cried into his hands, shoulders shaking with every hitch of his breath. He stayed there for a while, simply resting in his misery. When the tears finally stopped crying and his chest was empty, Dan was left with a headache and a runny nose. It was obvious that he had been crying.

He cleaned himself up, tending to the cuts he received and making sure none of his injuries were too serious. It took him a while to clean up his appearance. His eyes had been puffy and red from crying, not to mention that they kept welling up with tears every time Dan’s mind got even the slightest bit loud.

Dan swallowed back another sob. He felt drained from the incident and wanted to go home. At least at home he could sleep his problems away. But he couldn’t go home; he needed to show up and show to the team that a little beating up won’t break him. This way, they won’t have another excuse to beat him up again.

When the bell rang, Dan blended bac into the crowd, letting himself disappear. He pretended that everything was normal, that he was proud to be apart of the football team. That his sides didn’t ache with fresh bruises from said team. 

He hated this.

-

Dan stood outside the theatre club, school having let out a little while ago. He was hesitant to walk in, fearing what might be waiting for him. The theatre club wouldn’t beat him up, of course, but the memory of Maria humiliating him in front of the team drove a fear in his heart.

He took a deep breath and opened the door, entering into the theatre. Everyone stood in the center of the stage, conversing over something. As soon as Dan’s presence was noticed, everyone fell silent.

Dan felt dread fill his body. He could turn around and leave. He could abandon this whole thing and pretend that it never happened. He could have his afternoons back.

But it would never be that easy; there was the football team and his parents he had to protect himself from. He’d already seen how a small comment from Maria set off the football team. The bruises sent flashes of pain and he knew he was stuck.

Dan sighed, then made his way towards the stage. Maria stood with her arms crossed, a smug look on her face. Phil stood next to her. Unlike her, he seemed more worried than smug.

“Glad to see you today, Dan,” Maria greeted, “And how was your day?”

Dan didn’t reply. Her voice dripped with venom like the fangs of a snake. Even some of the other members of the club looked uncomfortable.

“I hope the football team didn’t mind hearing about how you hung out with us the other day.”

Dan shook his head. He’d rather not think about the football team. “Doesn’t matter. What do you want me to do today?”

Maria frowned, disappointed that her comment didn’t get a rise out of Dan. She walked forward and grabbed Dan’s tie. “Listen here, asshole,” Maria growled, “you will not skip out on us again. You have a job here and we aren’t going to let you skip out on it just so you can fuck around with your team.”

“I wasn’t hanging out with them, I had a headache,” Dan snapped back.

“Don’t give me your shitty excuses. You either help three days a week or I will make sure the next time is a lot worse than this one. Got that?”

Dan glared at her, but relented. “Fine.”

Maria glared back, then yanked him forward so he fell on the ground. It reminded him of what Luke had done earlier. This time, however, everyone stared silently at him. They were obviously uncomfortable, some even refusing to look at him.

“You’ll be working with Phil today,” Maria instructed, leaning over him. “Try not to fuck it like you normally do.” She turned to the crew and began yelling orders, the crew cowering beneath her voice. The groups quickly dispersed, all wanting to get away from Maria as fast as possible.

Dan got back up, staring at the ground. Phil stared at him silently, noting the defeated expression on Dan’s face.

Phil gently touched Dan’s arm, grabbing his attention. “Come on, we’re going up to the lights.”

Dan nodded. He was glad he wasn’t afraid of heights, fearing that his day would become even more worse. 

The two walked up together in silence. Dan’s mind was racing with thoughts as he processed what Maria had meant. He hated her, hated that she held this so harshly against him.

They were alone up in the rafter with only the deadly metal lights to keep them company. Phil lead him over to the center of the rafter where they could look down and see the stage.

“What is it that you want me to do?” Dan asked, looking over at Phil.

To Dan’s surprise, Phil merely shook his head. “Nothing. I brought you up here so you can watch the play practice. I’ve found that this is the best place to watch from.”

Dan frowned, confused. “But why?”

Phil smiled at Dan. “You’ve had a rough day, you deserve a break.” He sighed, the smile dropping from his face. “I know the football team beat you up today. You need the rest to let your body heal.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry.”

The smile was back on Phil’s face. “It’s not your fault, Dan. You can sit wherever and do whatever you want, as long as it’s legal.”

Dan gave Phil the smallest smile ever. “Thank you.”

Phil nodded, letting Dan go and sit down at the edge of the rafter. Once Phil knew Dan was watching the play, Phil turned and began to work on his own task that was supposed to be Dan’s.

Phil wasn’t wrong about the rafts being the perfect place to watch the play; he could clearly hear the actor’s voices and see them without anything obstructing his view. He became more comfortable as the rehearsal dragged on, forgetting about why he was really there (and who was behind him) and simply enjoying the play.

The actor stepped forward and Dan knew what was coming next. Dan began speaking the lines to the actor’s main monologue to himself. He let himself become the actor onstage, imagining all the things he would do to bring the characters to live. He spoke like he was talking directly to the audience.

Phil listened quietly as Dan recited the lines, having stopped what he was doing when he heard the first few words slip out of his mouth. At first, he thought Dan was talking to him, but he quickly realized it was the actor’s monologue he was saying.

He quietly walked up behind him, transfixed with how passionate Dan was saying it.

The monologue ended and Dan was lulled out of his monologue by the sound of someone clapping. He scrambled to his feet and turned to see Phil there, staring at Dan with wonder in his eyes.

Dan felt hi cheeks burn, realizing that Phil had just heard him recite the monologue perfectly.

“That was amazing! Your acting was so believable. How did you memorize all of that?”

Dan spluttered, unable to come up with an excuse.

“Where’d you learn the monologue from? I don’t the library has any books with it in it.”

“I didn’t- There’s no-” Dan felt panicked. He couldn’t tell Phil that he’d memorized it from listening to the actor who had stumbled through it for weeks. He didn’t know if he could trust Phil not to tell. Why wouldn’t he? Even if he had been nice to Dan, the memory of the football team beating Phil up earlier that week made Dan wary of Phil. It’d be the perfect opportunity for Phil to take revenge.

“Dan?”

Dan shook his head. “I-I’m sorry. It’s- I don’t know.”

Phil’s eyes softened. He understood that Dan wasn’t ready to talk about it. “I won’t tell anyone about this, okay?”

Dan looked up at him in shock.

“I swear on my hamster Gilbert I won’t tell anyone that you know the main monologue of our play and can perform it wonderfully simply with your voice. Though, that might not be the best thing to swear on, considering Gilbert is dead.”

Dan couldn’t help but let out a few giggles at that. “A-Alright, I guess.”

Phil beamed, noticing Dan’s giggles and taking pride in having caused the boy to smile.

“Now, if anybody asks, you were cleaning the equipment for me,” Phil instructed, trying to wink but failing miserably. It was worth it, however, as Dan burst into more giggles.

“Did you just fail at winking?”

“Maybe.”

Dan laughed, shaking his head. “How does someone fail at winking?”

Phil merely giggled along, happy to see Dan smiling. Dan wasn’t a bad person, Phil decided. He still was a big mystery to Phil, but it was obvious Dan didn’t want to hurt anyone. He was quiet and easily frightened. 

Later on, as Dan waved goodbye to him, Phil decided that he was going to befriend Dan and make him smile again.

-

Dan left with remnants of a smile on his face and feeling much lighter than he had most of the day. It probably helped that he hadn’t done any physical labor and instead had the chance to let his body rest.

His happy mood ended when he arrived home, unfortunately. Normally, Dan would be home before his mom. Entering the kitchen, he found his mother had made it home before him. She had a sheet of paper in her hand and looked rather pissed off.

Dan felt himself stiffen up. It was never a good idea to piss off his parents, especially his mother.

“Um, hi?” Dan squeaked.

His mother scowled. “What do you have to say for yourself, young man?” She shoved the piece of paper at him, gripping so hard that the paper was wrinkled and bent towards the middle.

Dan hesitantly took it and smoothed it out, eyes scanning over the document. His heart dropped as he found out what it was.

It was his report card from the past few weeks. Normally, he’d be passing each class with flying colors. Maybe he’d have the occasional B if he forgot to do his work. Overall, his parents were generally satisfied about his grades.

His report revealed that he didn’t have an A in any class. In fact, he had two D’s. He could see why his mom was so upset.

“Well?” His mom, though nearly a foot shorter than him, looked incredibly intimidating with her hands on her hips and a dark look on her face. 

“I guess, I forgot to turn in some things?” Dan weakly tried to defend himself.

His mom lost it. “Have you been doing none of your work? How could you let yourself become so lazy that you have not one, but two D’s?”

Dan let his head drop in shame.

“Do you want to lose your spot on the football team? You’re finally doing something productive with your free time rather than being holed up in your room, yet you let this happen? Do you not care for the team?”

For the second time that day, Dan felt his eyes water up. “I’ve just been really stressed lately and I-”

“That’s not an excuse to let your grades fall this low. If stress effects you this badly, how are you going to deal with it when college comes around? Or your career?”

Dan bit his lip. He’d learned a long time ago to keep quiet. But it always came back to this; how was he going to handle these things in the future.

“You have a week to get these grades going back up or else there will be punishments.”

Dan felt overwhelmed. How was he supposed to do such a thing? He had no time between football team and theatre.

“Do I make myself clear, Daniel?”

Dan snapped his head up. His mother was still glaring at him, waiting for his answer.

“Y-yes mum,” he replied quietly. His chest felt heavy with shame.

His mother rolled her eyes and snatched the paper back from him, part of it tearing along the way. “Get out of my sight,” she hissed.

Dan didn’t need to be told twice. He bolted out of the kitchen and to his room, throwing his bag against the wall and collapsing on the bed.

He curled up in a ball. He felt miserable, both from the emotional trial with his mother to the fresh bruises on his skin.

He wiped his eyes, fresh droplets coming off on his sleeve. “Stop crying,” he muttered to himself. “God, I’m such a crybaby.”

He sniffled loudly and curled in further, ignoring the pain it sent through his body.

He wanted to sleep it all away, to forget about it all momentarily. But the argument echoed loudly in Dan’s ears, so he forced himself up. His school bag rested like a dark shadow in the room, mocking him. Dan approached it and dragged it over to his bed.

He was going to get his homework and studying done. He’d prove to his mom that he could be responsible and could be a good student despite the stress.

He ended up falling asleep an hour before his alarm was set to go off, homework scattered all around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates every sunday
> 
> tumblr is boofphil


	3. Chapter 3

Dan yawned for the fifth time in ten minutes. His eyelids had never felt so heavy and his head felt stuffed with clouds.

He crossed his arms on the desk in front of him, preparing a pillow for himself for when his head inevitably fell.

The teacher droned on about something dull and annoying, making Dan’s head fuzzier as he struggled to understand what exactly the teacher was saying. He yawned once more before finally letting his head nestle into his “pillow”. Dan sighed and let the heaviness in his brain win. He slipped into an inky blackness, the sounds of the classroom disappearing.

There was an ocean. It was splashed with an array of blues, the colors constantly shifting as the waves went through it. He was in the middle of it on a boat that rocked with the waves. He was laying in it, soaking up the rays from the sun that was stationed high above him. He stretched out his arms, letting them fall back above his head. He was in the perfect lounging position, his breathing slow and body relaxed.

Next to him, he heard the water part. The boat shifted as someone climbed in, startling him out of his relaxed position. He sat up and saw a merman with curled black hair and eyes the same shade of the ocean clumsily climbing in. He finally managed to get all the way in, landing next to Dan with a huff.

He looked up at Dan and smiled. Dan stared with wonder, caught in the web of how beautiful the merman was. And how familiar as well.

Before Dan could properly recognize who the merman really was, the merman was leaning in closer and making Dan’s heart jolt with excitement. The merman let his eyes fall down to Dan’s lips and Dan couldn’t help but lean in too, until-

The bell rang loudly. Dan shot up from his arms, adrenaline rushing through him as he slowly processed what was happening. He could feel the ghost of the merman’s lips on his own and it makes dread pool in his stomach. The thought of the football team was enough to send him bolting from his seat, trying to run from the traces of the dream.

His head felt even worse, pain spiking from beneath his temples. It made him dizzy and disorientated, causing him to stumble through the school hall like a drunk man. He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going and was shocked back into reality by crashing into a body.

Dan, only being half awake, ended up falling down. He groaned as he hit the ground, a slight pain radiating into his back.

“Dan? Are you alright?” a voice said from over him.

Dan rubbed his head to chase away the pain and looked up. A pair of ocean eyes stared down at him. His breath caught in his throat as he remembered seeing the same pair of eyes in his dream. It was the merman.

“Wha-?” Dan muttered in confusion. What was the merman doing here?

The merman frowned. “Did you hit your head? Should I take you to the nurse?”

Dan blinked slowly for a few seconds. His mind slowly caught up, drugged up with sleep. It wasn’t the merman; it was merely Phil.

“S-sorry,” Dan apologized. He stumbled to his feet, yanking his backpack securely over his shoulder. “Didn’t mean to crash into you.”

The frown remained on Phil’s face as he took in Dan’s appearance and how sluggish he responded. He was either totally stoned or sleep deprived. “I seriously think you should go to the nurse. You look like the wind could knock you over.”

Dan dismissed him with a wave. “I’m fine, just… didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

Phil could tell. His hair was curly and unruly, wisps of curls flying outwards. His eyes looked puffy with noticeable bags underneath them. His shoulders looked as if they were carrying the weight of the world. Something was bothering him as well, based off how twitchy and hesitant he was acting.

“The nurse would let you sleep in the office.”

As incredibly tempting as that was, Dan couldn’t afford to miss his next class. It was the class with the worst grade he had at the moment. He was barely passing it. The memories of last night’s report card burned in the back of his mind.

“No, that won’t be necessary.” Ironically, Dan couldn’t help but yawn at the end of his sentence, his eyes tearing up from the pressure.

Phil didn’t believe Dan’s obvious lie. He opened his mouth to say something else, to try to convince him to go and sleep, but Dan had taken off. Dan didn’t mean to be rude but he didn’t need anymore interrogation. That and he couldn’t be late to his class.

Phil sighed. He watched Dan scamper off into the crowded hall. He wanted nothing more than to help the boy. Yet the boy didn’t seem to want the help, no matter how much he needed. Phil hated to think about what could happen when Dan inevitably crashes.

Dan was in his next class within a minute, collapsing into his assigned seat. His eyes were burning and begged him to close them. His muscles felt shaky and weak from the minimal exercise he had gotten, to the point where it was almost concerning. He was so drowsy it was painful. All through through class he went through the same drowsy cycle. Snap his head up from where it had fallen, dully read whatever the fuck the teacher had written on the board, feel his head begin to drop and struggle against it, lose the battle, then snap his head up again and start all over.

Maybe he should have listened to Phil’s advice about going to the nurse. It may have cost him a class period or two, but at least he would have been able to focus.

“Is my lecture putting you to sleep, Mr. Howell?”

Dan’s head snapped up all to familiarly, the loud and dangerous tone making him jump. It woke him up effectively thanks to the adrenaline it gave him. 

In front of him, the teacher stood with a disappointed frown on his face. Dan instantly felt guilty; he knew it annoyed this teacher especially when kids fell asleep in his class. He could feel everyone staring at both him and his teacher, waiting for something remotely interesting to happen. After all, Dan was on the football team. Surely he wasn’t going to tolerate being told of for doing what he wanted.

Unfortunately for them, Dan was far too exhausted to play the role of the typical asshole football player. “Sorry,” he mumbled, looking away in shame.

The teacher was shocked by the passive behavior. The rest of the class shared glances with each other as if they weren’t believing what they were seeing. Sure, Dan had always been one of the better football members, but to admit defeat so easily? It was unusual to say the least.

The teacher didn’t comment on it. He’d take a passive Dan any day over the obnoxious and defiant one he had dealt with for so long. He even felt a bit of pity for the boy, who was so obviously tired.

Dan managed to stay awake for the rest of the class period, relief flooding over him when the bell rang. He stretched his arms out before grabbing his bag and heading out of the classroom for his next class.

Dread filled him along the way as he thought about his next class and who exactly was in it. If he thought these previous classes had been miserable, then the next one was doomed to be the worst one yet.

He walked into the classroom and saw Luke. He was glaring at Dan, per usual, watching his every move as he went to his seat in front of him.

Dan never understood why Luke always seemed so angry at him. Maybe it was because Luke knew how awful of a football player Dan truly was and wanted nothing more than to get Dan out of the way. Maybe he hated him for that one time in ninth year when Dan accidentally spilled ketchup all over Luke in front of the entire grade.

Or maybe it was because he was the closest to knowing the truth about Dan. That Dan hated football but loved theatre. That Dan dreaded practice, knowing how much his muscles would be crying afterwards. That an wasn’t as straight as everyone thought he was and in fact really, really loved boys.

Dan felt his stomach twist with anxiety as he reluctantly sat in front of Luke. Unsurprisingly, he felt his chair getting kicked. It was Luke’s way of getting Dan’s attention in this class. Dan ignored him, continuing to face forward. 

“I know you’re listening Dan,” Luke hissed.

Dan flinched a bit at the sound of Luke’s voice. He was angry about something and whether it related to Dan or not, Dan would be at the receiving end of it.

He kicked Dan’s chair again, harder this time. “Coward. Can’t even face me.”

Dan no longer felt drowsy but far too awake from the anxiety in his bloodstream. He inwardly braced himself to hear Luke put him down. The only thing he could hope for is that it wouldn’t turn physical later.

“Saw you in the hall with Phil earlier. Looked like you guys were having a nice, friendly chat there. Planning another visit to the fag club?”

Dan sighed. He was too tired to deal with Luke’s blatant homophobia and disregard for anyone unlike himself.

He turned around in his chair. Luke was glaring at him, looking ready to pounce on Dan at the slightest of faults. Dan had a feeling that whatever he said, Luke would never 100% believe it.

“He was apologizing for knocking me down,” Dan explained dully, “I was too tired to deal with his shit so I didn’t do anything other than tell him to shut up.” And I’m too tired to deal with your shit too, he added inwardly.

Luke stared him in the eyes, looking for some kind of hint of lie in them. All he found was raw exhaustion. He sank back in his seat and folded his arms. It looked like a weak attempt to show off his pathetic teenage muscly arms that he thought was comparable to a body builder that drank twenty protein shakes a day. 

“Fine, I’ll buy your excuse. Just remember, you’re playing with fire here. You’ve already been caught visiting the theatre club once. I wouldn’t push it with talking to someone as embarrassing as Phil Lester.” He gave a dismissive flick of the wrist as if he was some boss or mob leader who told his staff off for screwing up his coffee.

Dan turned back to the front of the classroom, letting his head drop to his arms. He felt nauseous from the poor combination of anxiety and exhaustion, not to mention even more sleepy than before. It was pointless trying to stay awake.

Luke was the worse person Dan had ever met. When he wasn’t beating up classmates for fun and domination, he was finding some way to emotionally manipulate his “friends” and teammates. Dan would never understand why their coach had made him team captain, but he figured Luke had found a way to manipulate even him.

Even teachers were afraid of him, letting him turn in assignments whenever and counting it for full credit. They’d raise his failing grades simply so they wouldn’t have to deal with Luke again for another year. Once, Luke made a teacher give him a hundred for a huge project that he never even did.

Dan didn’t blame the teachers, of course. From the first day he was at football practice, he knew that Luke was going to make his high school experience a living hell. And he wasn’t wrong.

Dan sighed once again and closed his eyes, burrowing his head deeper into his arms. He didn’t care if Luke would tell him off or make him run extra laps for dozing off in class and being lazy; he needed to have somewhat of a nap to reduce the headache and nausea he was experiencing.

He slowly dozed off, the feeling of someone glaring at him edging him into a dreamless state.

-

“I really need Dan for today, Maria.”

Phil had practically ran to the theatre club, even going as far to shove a few year tens out of the way. He need to make sure no one else had Dan to do their work today.

Maria frowned. Everyone knew that it was impossible to get Dan simply by request alone. Maria had an entire waiting list of people who wanted Dan to do their work. “I’m not sure about that. I need him to at least make all the rounds with each group and person that requested him before we start doing seconds.”

Phil hated how Maria talked about Dan. He hated the whole situation she had gotten Dan in in the first place. “I’ve got a huge problem with the lighting. It’s a dirty and tiring job and I’ve quite honestly already have my hands full with other tasks. It hasn’t been easy since two of the lighting crew members left.”

“Everyone’s got their hands full. I know you’re down two people but everyone is experiencing their own extra problems.” Maria wasn’t convinced in the slightest.

“Okay, well,” Phil bit his lip, preparing his lie, “I might also want him because he cornered me in the bathroom today. It’d be a way for me to get revenge.”

This got Maira’s interest. She raised her eyebrows, curious to Phil’s story.

“A teacher came in before it could get too rough,” Phil continued on, “but he still managed to get me really good on my arm.” He rolled up his uniform sleeve to reveal a red, swollen patch on his arm. The truth behind it was that he had gotten it from slamming his arm against the locker next to his own. His arm had hit the lock straight on. But Maria didn’t need to know that.

Maria scowled as she looked over the forming bruise on Phil’s arm. She unknowingly bought the lie. “That nasty son of a bitch,” she spat, grabbing Phil’s arm to better inspect the severity of the bruise.

“Yup.” He winced as she tugged the skin near the bruise that was still painfully tender.

Maria shook her head and let Phil’s arm go, straightening back up. “I can see why you want to get back at him and quite honestly, I think you should. He needs to be put in his place. Make him suffer as much as possible.” She grinned at the mention of making Dan suffer. It was a bit unnerving to Phil.

“And what will you say for the ones who were supposed to have Dan today?”

Maria shrugged. “I’ll tell them plans have changed with recent developments and they’ll simply have to wait.”

Phil nodded, rejoicing in his mind at the victory. Dan would be free of any work today. Dan had looked so tired earlier that Phil knew he couldn’t let Dan be roped into doing work for some lazy crew member.

He headed back to the dressing room, needing to grab a few things to put up in the raft before Dan arrived.

The boy in question was dragging his feet through the halls, stumbling around other students. He knew he out to avoid being late, but the thought of having to do work dragged him down. He had forced himself to stay awake through the last few classes he had and was now paying for it. Dan cursed Maria’s blackmail that prevented him from going home and having a proper nap in his warm, cozy bed.

That was another reason he was going slow.

What he didn’t expect was to open the theatre door and find Phil standing right beside it. Phil perked up when he saw who it was. He smiled.

“Hey! I managed to snag you for today, if that’s alright?”

Dan blinked, then felt relief flood through him. He had Phil again, which meant no tormenting tasks that left him pained in some way.

“Come on, we’re going back up to the raft.”

Dan couldn’t help but smile, willingly following Phil up to the raft.

When they got up there, Dan spotted a pile of blankets and a pillow situated in the corner as a makeshift bed.

“What’s the pillow and blankets for?”

Phil glanced over at the objects and smiled softly. “I know you’re exhausted. No matter what you say, you need some rest that isn’t hunched over on a desk with your arms as a pillow.”

Dan felt his heart warm. He didn’t have to go out of his way to get a pillow and some blankets, yet he did.

As if on cue, Dan yawned widely, bringing a hand up to rub sleepily at his eyes. The blanket and pillow were his flame and he was a moth.

He made his way over to the soft items and slipped under two of the blankets, using the the others as padding. He nuzzled his face into the pillow that felt like heaven. Sleeping on the ground wasn’t the most comfortable thing ever, but Dan was too tired to care about that. Within in minutes, he had fallen into a proper sleep.

-

Dan was on the boat again. He felt calm, arms resting behind his head as he stared up at the sky. Despite the sun being out, he could see every single star.

He could hear splashes and the sounds of waves hitting each other all around him. There were creatures singing out pleasantries and what suspiciously sounded like a mating call, but Dan couldn’t be bothered to look and see what they were.

Dan sighed contently. He felt so warm and cozy, even with the hard planks digging into his back.

Overhead, he saw a speck of what could only be a bird soar across the sky. He watched lazily as it disappeared down under the horizon, never to be seen again.

He felt the boat shift slightly. He frowned and turned his head, coming face to face with the merman from his dream earlier.

He gasped in shock, making the merman giggle. It sounded like a musical box. Dan found himself staring intensely at the merman’s eyes, getting lost in how many shades of blue there were. He’d seen that shade of blue somewhere. No matter how hard he thought about it, he couldn’t place exactly who owned it.

The merman lifted his hand, revealing a trail of scales that crawled up in random patterns up to his elbow. They reflected in the sunlight and shone a deep midnight blue. He placed his hand softly against Dan’s cheek. It was warm and slightly damp from being in the water. The merman cradled Dan’s cheek like a lover would and was staring at Dan like he was the most beautiful person ever.

Dan couldn’t help but blush and lean into the touch. He let out a small hum of contentment, smiling. He felt loved and cared for, from the way the merman was stroking Dan’s cheek with his thumb to how he was looking at him. It was the proper kind of love, not the one he was so used to receiving. This was the kind that left his insides full with warmth and butterflies, his heart beating strongly in his chest.

“You deserve to be happy,” the merman whispered.

He leaned in closer and Dan felt his eyes widen in excitement. Once he felt the merman’s warm breath on his mouth, he let his eyes fall shut. The gentle sensation of his lips pressed against the beautiful merman’s sent shivers down his spine.

The parted after a few seconds, both smiling. But before it could continue, a loud clattering shattered the dream world. Dan watched helplessly as the merman disappeared and he was thrust back into reality.

Dan groaned as he squinted around the room, trying to remember where he was.

“Sorry,” he heard Phil’s voice nearby,. That was right, he was napping in the raft at the theatre club. “Go back to sleep, everything’s fine.”

Dan merely nodded and let his eyes close again, the drendils of sleep tugging at his mind. He let it take him under, hoping to see the merman again.

The merman with eyes like the ocean.

The merman with eyes exactly like Phil’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dan: FELLAS IS IT GAY TO DREAM ABOUT KISSING A GUY WITH PRETTY BLUE EYES

**Author's Note:**

> comments help a lot!
> 
> updates are being switched to wednesday!


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